Chocolate and Fiber: An Underrated Combination

Chocolate and Fiber: An Underrated Combination
This post is alternately titled:


Bringing Back Duh

Those heavenly chocolate chip cookies I made the other day are, wait for it, yes, heavenly.  I love them.  I love them with a fiery passion.  I have loved all 75-82 of them I have eaten.  I loved and appreciated each one in it's own unique way for it's own special gifts and qualities.  Of course I did.  Jesus, I'm not a barbarian.

However, I am a bit disappointed at the effect they are having on my body.  (But that does not diminish my love.  That is unconditional.)  I've read that you can combat fat with fiber.  Heeded not did I.  Heeded not.  Damn!  I should have sacked them full (yeah, you can sack things full.  Try it.  Duh.)   I don't often find use for the word distended.  However, no other word quite describes what is going on with my former stomach, now a gut, quite like distended.   It is.  Distended.  Shit!  ...wish I could....

I would load up on fiber (i.e. sack myself full of it) like I was going for the gold in constipation olympics, but tomorrow is my first day of lecture and that would be... awkward.  Memorable, but awkward.  "Hello scholar-lovelies.  I have consumed 87 servings of fiber to combat my distended gut due to a love of glorious chocolate chip cookies and a disregard for moderation.  Now, you must excuse my while I cherry bomb the toilet with the innards of my bowels.  Feel free to read ahead."

Don't I paint a lovely picture?  Don't you want to be my friend?  I am not at all gross.

Also, I have decided that I like to use "duh"when I am on the interweb.  That is the most appropriate place for it, after all, where the whole world can have access to its witty essence.  Also, just so we are clear, I only use it as a 12 year old smart ass with braces, bad hair and attitude-eyes would use it.  That is, after all, the only appropriate use for such a word.  Duh.

And, if we know anything about anything, it is that I am the epitome of appropriate.  Duh.

Until we meet again,
Me
Duh, who did you think it was?



2 comments:

  • Karen | September 4, 2012 at 8:55 PM

    next time, mayhaps, you simply add fiber to the cookie dough...et voila! no more distended belly. no more fluttering bowels of Hades. you can enjoy your cookies...and poop them too.

    I can't believe you just made me write poop on the interwebs. twice.

    ~ Absinthe

  • Candace Fortino | September 4, 2012 at 8:58 PM

    OMG My first comment! Yay!! I love it and I love you!

    and, yeah, hindsight is 20/20. Tricky fiber! :)

    poop, poop- now your not alone.

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